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Watch Friday Night with Jonathan Ross online: Episode 14 Bruce Willis, Fearne Cotton, Pete Doherty, Arcade Fire.

The combined weight of Fearne Cotton and Pete Doherty tops the scales at a porky 42 kilograms - 43 if they are wet. I doubt they could overpower a fractious kitten or contain an angry wasp. Bruce Willis and I share a birthday; that's about all we have in common as I have hair and a natural aversion to Demi Moore (and all her films).

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