A parody of Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back.
Ethan, Lilah, and Lucas are at an arcade. Ethan gets distracted by an ice cream truck outside and runs out to it with Lucas telling him that it’s winter. Ethan takes no more than one step before he collapses, shivering and unable to move further. A dog approaches him, and Ethan asks “can I... cut you open... and... crawl inside” at which point the dog backs away. Ben Kotarski appears in a ghostly blue form, telling Ethan he needs to go to the Play-All-Night LAN Center, to learn from Bob-o, the gamer master that trained him. Ethan claims it’s too far away, at which Ben curses and walks away in disgust at Ethan’s refusal to let him help him. A white limo then drives by. A window rolls down to reveal Jack Thompson. Ethan rushes back into the arcade to tell Lucas and Lilah that “they found us”. Jack’s blue suit goons make their way out of the limo and into the arcade. A random teen skateboarder skates beside one of the goons with an Xbox controller in hand, and throws it so the controller and its cord wraps around the guy’s legs for several loops, causing him to fall over. The kid can be seen kicking him once while he’s down (a reference to the Snowspeeders taking down AT-AT walkers at the Battle of Hoth). Ethan exclaims they need to “fleeeee!” Lucas suggest he and Lilah take one car and that Ethan meet them at the rendezvous point. Ethan mentions he still wants ice cream.
Roll opening
At the Play-All-Night LAN Center, Ethan looks for Bob-o. A short, bald man, barely visible from behind the long table due to his height, greets him with “Yoda-speak”. The man mentions he may or may not be Bob-o, but Ethan is already distracted by Battlefield 2142 on an off-screen computer and runs towards it.
Lucas and Lilah are on the road, with Lucas cursing traffic. Lilah is horrified to find the white limo pursuing them. The camera switches to an overhead view of the vehicles. Lucas’s green car shifts to the left lane, and the white limo follows suit, but then Lucas’s car quickly switches back to the right lane and hangs back far enough to be in the limo’s blind spot. The limo driver tells Jack that they somehow lost them. Jack orders the driver to find them, while telling the Bounty Lawyer (a man wearing a suit, but with a Boba Fett helmet on) “no depositions”. Back in overhead view, the limo makes a left turn off the main road.
Ethan is in front of a PC, with Bob-o training him. Ethan says he’ll try to frag his opponent, but Bob-o corrects him, saying “no, no try, do or do not, preferably do because feel like doing it for you I do not”. Ethan runs away saying “that makes no sense, I can’t do it”. Bob-o then looks at the now-empty chair and says enthusiastically “ohhh, capture the flag I shall”.
Lucas and Lilah are on their couch. Lilah has some doubts about an old friend of Lucas, but he reassures her that Larry and him go way back, that they used to work together, that he loves video games and hates Jack Thompson. A red haired guy with a short beard tells Lucas “sorry Lucas, they arrived right before you did”. Jack can be seen behind Larry.
Bob-o watches as Ethan is doing a handstand on his left hand, with his right hand and left leg are sticking out, and a CRT monitor balanced on the toes of his right foot which is sticking straight up in the air. He falls over, saying that he needs to go, his friends are in trouble. Bob-o asks if he sensed it, and Ethan replies that he got a text message. Ethan runs off, with Bob-o pleading with him to stay since he’s not ready. Ben appears and urges Ethan to listen to Bob-o, only to mutter ‘crap’ that he missed him.
Ethan walks down a hallway to find one of Jack's blue-suited goons and the Bounty Lawyer pushing a large six-foot crate with air holes and a “this side up” arrow. He asks the two if they’ve seen his best friend Lucas and his fiance Lilah, to which the Bounty lawyer replies, "Nope". Ethan immediately follows up by asking what’s in the box, to which the Bounty Lawyer responds, “Not Lucas”. Ethan thanks them and moves on unawares. In the next room, he runs into Jack Thompson. They immediately get into a two-handed slap fight lasting no more than two seconds. Jack reaches for his briefcase and throws it at Ethan’s chest. The briefcase gets propped open, sending loose leaf paper flying in all directions. A close up of Ethan’s left hand reveals that one of the sheets of paper gave him a small paper cut on the underside of his thumb, with a drop of blood slowing seeping out. Ethan cries out in pain and falls to his knees. Jack says, “Benjamin Kotarski never told you what happened to your father, did he?”. Ethan responds, “Why would he ever have talked about my father? It’s just creepy!”. Jack replies, “Your father once vacationed in..... New Jersey!” (Jack raises his left hand into an clenched fist like Vader did to Luke). Ethan throws his arms up and screams a melodramatic “noooo!” and then leaps through a closed window, breaking it, and then dashing for his car.
Lilah and Larry are in the car. Lilah asks if Ethan is OK. Ethan replies “no”, and asks where Lucas is. Lilah replies, “He’s been bound in red tape and taken by the Bounty Lawyer! We have to rescue him.”. Ethan replies seriously, saying “Fine, but I want to go for ice cream on the way.”
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