You had something better to do last Friday at midnight? Well, here's what you missed in the first episode of Funny or Die Presents: (warning, spoilers!)
* Will Ferrell as Abraham Lincoln and Don Cheadle as Frederick Douglass work on racial inequalities, as narrated by a very drunk Jen Kirkman
* This guy takes Ecstasy and then some bad things happen to him like his head gets cut off but it does not negatively impact his trip
* A T-shirt outparties a bunch of Parrotheads at a Margaritaville
* A baby who has her own rocketship fights evil and saves Fred Willard
* The United States acquires mining rights in Africa with a candy bar
* Some guys are mean to another guy who is sad at his wife's funeral
* Don't entrust your penis' safety to a mouse
* Rob Riggle is not a great friend to have when he's drunk and demands that you drive him around even though you were in the middle of pampering yourself with a nice candlelit bubble bath
* What if children's toy racing car sets had to be environmentally responsible?
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Ready to Watch Funny or Die Presents, Season 1, Episode 1?